Why do I feel so sad today? Suddenly I woke up this morning feeling not right at all. My mind kept thinking about what my dad asked me to do. Apply for MAS Wings and pack my bags and go back for good. How can I leave when my heart is here. Even if I do go back, I doubt if I will ever be happy again. Going back means being in the shadow of my parents. Moreover, the job will definitely be in my hands. That is not the way I want it. I want to find a job with my own effort and not because of someone.
I'm really running out of time now. Anytime, they will force me to pack and leave. How can I leave when I'm not done loving him? I'm just not done doing everything with him. I'm just not done sharing what I have in life with him. I know very well what my future holds. I know very well what is going to happen to me in the next 4-5 years. I wish I can freeze the time and let it be like this for the rest of my life.
Why is my life isn't like anyone else? Why do I feel that my parents keep treating me and see me like I'm some 10 years old kid who needs to keep their eyes on. For 30 years I've suffered. For 30 years I had them overshadowing me and controlling my life. I've let go my dream for the sake of them. Now do I need to sacrifice myself again? I'm very tired with what transpired in my life. I'm very tired.....
It's has been a very tiring journey.....
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