Today marks the 51st year of Malaysia being independent. Honestly, this is not a bad country after all. The only problem is the government. Crazy government. Wonder when can they think straight.
I'm still in shock actually ... up to today. Sayang's car got stolen last Wednesday evening. In front of everybody. Crazy. It's not that he drives a Merc or a Bimmer. It's just a simple Waja. Seeing his sad face makes me feel sorry. That look on his face was the exact look I'm trying to avoid. From that day onwards, my car has become his car as well.
I noticed that the both of us has becoming closer and closer each day. It's like the 1st time. Feels so good. I hope it will last although I know what my future holds for me. I hope I will be free and be independent as well....
Merdeka! Merdeka! Merdeka!
Sunday, August 31, 2008
Saturday, August 23, 2008
Time is running out
Why do I feel so sad today? Suddenly I woke up this morning feeling not right at all. My mind kept thinking about what my dad asked me to do. Apply for MAS Wings and pack my bags and go back for good. How can I leave when my heart is here. Even if I do go back, I doubt if I will ever be happy again. Going back means being in the shadow of my parents. Moreover, the job will definitely be in my hands. That is not the way I want it. I want to find a job with my own effort and not because of someone.
I'm really running out of time now. Anytime, they will force me to pack and leave. How can I leave when I'm not done loving him? I'm just not done doing everything with him. I'm just not done sharing what I have in life with him. I know very well what my future holds. I know very well what is going to happen to me in the next 4-5 years. I wish I can freeze the time and let it be like this for the rest of my life.
Why is my life isn't like anyone else? Why do I feel that my parents keep treating me and see me like I'm some 10 years old kid who needs to keep their eyes on. For 30 years I've suffered. For 30 years I had them overshadowing me and controlling my life. I've let go my dream for the sake of them. Now do I need to sacrifice myself again? I'm very tired with what transpired in my life. I'm very tired.....
It's has been a very tiring journey.....
I'm really running out of time now. Anytime, they will force me to pack and leave. How can I leave when I'm not done loving him? I'm just not done doing everything with him. I'm just not done sharing what I have in life with him. I know very well what my future holds. I know very well what is going to happen to me in the next 4-5 years. I wish I can freeze the time and let it be like this for the rest of my life.
Why is my life isn't like anyone else? Why do I feel that my parents keep treating me and see me like I'm some 10 years old kid who needs to keep their eyes on. For 30 years I've suffered. For 30 years I had them overshadowing me and controlling my life. I've let go my dream for the sake of them. Now do I need to sacrifice myself again? I'm very tired with what transpired in my life. I'm very tired.....
It's has been a very tiring journey.....
Saturday, August 9, 2008
L.OV.E
LOVE...what is your definition of love? What happen after you found love? What happen after love found you?
I watched SATC again for the ....4th time now? Can't help it. It's just so nice to watch something that used to be one of my favourite show. I don't know what made me watch that movie over and over again. Perhaps because there's things in that movie which reminded me of myself.
After the failure of my past relationship, I gave up on finding love and let love find me. And when it found me 3 years ago, it just stayed there no matter how many times the hiccups happened. Although most of the time, I felt that sometimes, it's just me who is hoping and sometimes I felt that everything is just like what it was when it 1st began.
Everytime when I see my friends who are happily married and have a family of her own, I asked myself "Will I ever be like them? Happily married with kids". And then after I looked back at what happened then and now, I don't know if I will ever get married or ever think of getting married. Most probably, I will join Samantha Jones in the "I don't believe in marriage" file.
But whatever it is, if I still have the time to love him, I will love him with all my heart....
Ever thine, ever mine, ever ours...
I watched SATC again for the ....4th time now? Can't help it. It's just so nice to watch something that used to be one of my favourite show. I don't know what made me watch that movie over and over again. Perhaps because there's things in that movie which reminded me of myself.
After the failure of my past relationship, I gave up on finding love and let love find me. And when it found me 3 years ago, it just stayed there no matter how many times the hiccups happened. Although most of the time, I felt that sometimes, it's just me who is hoping and sometimes I felt that everything is just like what it was when it 1st began.
Everytime when I see my friends who are happily married and have a family of her own, I asked myself "Will I ever be like them? Happily married with kids". And then after I looked back at what happened then and now, I don't know if I will ever get married or ever think of getting married. Most probably, I will join Samantha Jones in the "I don't believe in marriage" file.
But whatever it is, if I still have the time to love him, I will love him with all my heart....
Ever thine, ever mine, ever ours...
Friday, August 1, 2008
One day after the birthday
Today is the 1st day after I'm officially 30. Yesterday was like any other day of the year. Alone. Bored. Quiet. Lonely. People said we should do something crazy to mark the 30. But what did I do? I went back from work and sleep straightaway. I'm getting good at pretending the birthday is like any other day.
Today we moved to a new office suite. Brussels. From Las Vegas to Brussels. It's halfway around the world. It really is. The view....well....I can say that the view is nothing compare to Las Vegas. I miss the Las Vegas view. I can really hear the LRT sound if you strain your ears. It does.
What am I going to do tomorrow? It's the 2nd day after 30. 1st, in the morning I'm going house hunting....again. It's going to be final tomorrow. Can't take it anymore. It just has to stop. Thinking of where to stay and what kind of house should I get is so stressful. Looks like I'm going alone because Cheng Hui can't go with me. And sayang....he....well....let's just not upset myself about him. Sometimes I feel like he's not my sayang at all. Sometimes I feel he's my sayang. Being with him is just so tiring. One moment he's the wall. One moment he's all over the place. Anyway, probably I'll go and watch The Mummy .... alone tomorrow. I've wasted my GSC movie voucher. Thought of watching Batman again using the voucher but unfortunately.... it got wasted again....like last year. I think GSC should stop sending me voucher since I'm not going to use it.
Anyway, Thank You to everyone who wishes me Happy Birthday yesterday. I know I'm a very private person. I don't make a big hoo haa about my birthday. I prefer to keep a low profile life. So, I hope you understand. Thank you once again....Let's wait for 31 next year....
Today we moved to a new office suite. Brussels. From Las Vegas to Brussels. It's halfway around the world. It really is. The view....well....I can say that the view is nothing compare to Las Vegas. I miss the Las Vegas view. I can really hear the LRT sound if you strain your ears. It does.
What am I going to do tomorrow? It's the 2nd day after 30. 1st, in the morning I'm going house hunting....again. It's going to be final tomorrow. Can't take it anymore. It just has to stop. Thinking of where to stay and what kind of house should I get is so stressful. Looks like I'm going alone because Cheng Hui can't go with me. And sayang....he....well....let's just not upset myself about him. Sometimes I feel like he's not my sayang at all. Sometimes I feel he's my sayang. Being with him is just so tiring. One moment he's the wall. One moment he's all over the place. Anyway, probably I'll go and watch The Mummy .... alone tomorrow. I've wasted my GSC movie voucher. Thought of watching Batman again using the voucher but unfortunately.... it got wasted again....like last year. I think GSC should stop sending me voucher since I'm not going to use it.
Anyway, Thank You to everyone who wishes me Happy Birthday yesterday. I know I'm a very private person. I don't make a big hoo haa about my birthday. I prefer to keep a low profile life. So, I hope you understand. Thank you once again....Let's wait for 31 next year....
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Happy Birthday to me
Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to me....
Again..like all the years that went by, it's going to be me, myself and I sitting alone in my room looking out into the sky and left a heavy sigh. Seems like all my birthday wish never come true. Not even this year. No matter how desperate I wanted it to be a memorable one before I give my whole life and my whole entire future to the hands of my parents, it just won't come true. Sad... but true.
My time is running out now. Parents kept calling asking me to apply for a new job. Weird. When I've already gotten a very good offer, they want me to apply for another one. Reason: "We're getting old and we want our children to be near". Honestly, my heart is not anywhere near home. Not just yet. I have a life here. A life I build on my own. From my sweat and blood. I've worked hard to get where I am today. It's not easy for me to let it go. It's not easy for me to change into something I've left for a very long time. If I were to go back, I will have to start all over again and I'm not getting any younger each day. It's really sad to even think of it. It's really upsetting to even talk about it. It just hurts a lot.
What will happen now that I'm turning 30. I know my biological clock is ticking and I can hear it ticking every seconds of my life. People said that your write your own fate. But my fate is written by my parents. Not by myself. All of my friends said that it's my life. I run my own life. It's easy for people who do not know me to say that. I wish I can run my own life. I wish I can choose who I want to be with for the rest of my life. But it's not that simple. It has always been like that since I was a kid and it will never change.
This year I don't feel like wishing for anything since none of my wish all this years ever come true. I will just let the day goes by like any other day.... Happy Birthday to me....
Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to me,
Happy birthday to me....
Again..like all the years that went by, it's going to be me, myself and I sitting alone in my room looking out into the sky and left a heavy sigh. Seems like all my birthday wish never come true. Not even this year. No matter how desperate I wanted it to be a memorable one before I give my whole life and my whole entire future to the hands of my parents, it just won't come true. Sad... but true.
My time is running out now. Parents kept calling asking me to apply for a new job. Weird. When I've already gotten a very good offer, they want me to apply for another one. Reason: "We're getting old and we want our children to be near". Honestly, my heart is not anywhere near home. Not just yet. I have a life here. A life I build on my own. From my sweat and blood. I've worked hard to get where I am today. It's not easy for me to let it go. It's not easy for me to change into something I've left for a very long time. If I were to go back, I will have to start all over again and I'm not getting any younger each day. It's really sad to even think of it. It's really upsetting to even talk about it. It just hurts a lot.
What will happen now that I'm turning 30. I know my biological clock is ticking and I can hear it ticking every seconds of my life. People said that your write your own fate. But my fate is written by my parents. Not by myself. All of my friends said that it's my life. I run my own life. It's easy for people who do not know me to say that. I wish I can run my own life. I wish I can choose who I want to be with for the rest of my life. But it's not that simple. It has always been like that since I was a kid and it will never change.
This year I don't feel like wishing for anything since none of my wish all this years ever come true. I will just let the day goes by like any other day.... Happy Birthday to me....
Friday, June 20, 2008
Something exciting
I simply forgot to write this entry. It's a must. I finally met one of my favourite DC, Justice League character.....Wonder Woman...(clapping my hands and legs). Finally....and Yay!! It's Wonder Woman you know. It's Wonder Woman. Well, I actually had to fight with the kids and the kids' mom and dad to take the picture. And guess what. When the emcee asked the kids do they know who Wonder Woman is, all the kids were like ..."Wonder who?". But when the emcee asked do they know Batman, everyone were like "Yes!!!....".
Can't believe I met Wonder Woman....Hahahahah. I better stop yanking. It was a school holiday event in Sunway Pyramid. I purposely dragged Dodot to Sunway Pyramid that Saturday and thank God I don't have to go to Hatyai that day. Else, I won't be able to meet Wonder Woman.
Presenting Wonder Woman, Batman and Flash
I don't know who is that kid. Told you I had to fight with all the kids to get their pictures. Stop staring at things you're not suppose to stare ....hahahhaha. (I know it looked .....weird)
So, I've met Spongebob, I've met Doraemon and now I met Wonder Woman, Batman and Flash. I wonder when can I meet Superman.....hmmmm
Can't believe I met Wonder Woman....Hahahahah. I better stop yanking. It was a school holiday event in Sunway Pyramid. I purposely dragged Dodot to Sunway Pyramid that Saturday and thank God I don't have to go to Hatyai that day. Else, I won't be able to meet Wonder Woman.
Presenting Wonder Woman, Batman and Flash
I don't know who is that kid. Told you I had to fight with all the kids to get their pictures. Stop staring at things you're not suppose to stare ....hahahhaha. (I know it looked .....weird)So, I've met Spongebob, I've met Doraemon and now I met Wonder Woman, Batman and Flash. I wonder when can I meet Superman.....hmmmm
3rd year
Same day today 3 years ago, I gave away what should be only given after matrimonial. Amazing how I still can remember all that and still counting. I can still see everything that happened that night clearly in my mind and the silly question he asked me after that.
Do I ever regret about it even after everything that has happened? People always said that everything happen for a reason. Probably the reason was me. Probably the reason is from the other side. It's best to be kept a private secret. I can only say that I was the happiest person at that time although a little part of me still being afraid that I might go through the same ordeal again. But, we never know what will happen in the future. We just have to relive it and enjoy it.
I must stop being so melancholy about things. I have a good job and a good position here. But somehow somewhere I'm still afraid of something. There are too many 'What if' in my mind. Running around like madman. The other day I got a really shocking news. Can't believe he will ended up like that. But those things really scare me off. What if I ended up like that as well?
Do I ever regret about it even after everything that has happened? People always said that everything happen for a reason. Probably the reason was me. Probably the reason is from the other side. It's best to be kept a private secret. I can only say that I was the happiest person at that time although a little part of me still being afraid that I might go through the same ordeal again. But, we never know what will happen in the future. We just have to relive it and enjoy it.
I must stop being so melancholy about things. I have a good job and a good position here. But somehow somewhere I'm still afraid of something. There are too many 'What if' in my mind. Running around like madman. The other day I got a really shocking news. Can't believe he will ended up like that. But those things really scare me off. What if I ended up like that as well?
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